On merit increase

My annual review today was a mixed bag: a glowing written evaluation paired with a 'Developing' rating and a 3% increase. My manager noted these figures were locked in back in November, only six months into my tenure. A lot has changed since then; I’ve taken on more, and I think I have a fair chance of a better outcome next year, but the prospect doesn't cheer me up.

The truth is, I wasn’t so much disappointed by the 3% raise, or the fact that the company simply delayed it until August, as I was disappointed in myself. It’s the realisation that if I were further along - if I were 'better' in real terms - I wouldn't be in this position at all.

At 37, there’s a certain bitterness in sitting through a performance review, just like a schoolchild, waiting on someone else's green light. I feel kinda sad.